The 3 Stupidest Sexters
Mobiles have always been connected to sex. From the first calls after a first date to late night optimistic inquiries, and for decades the desperate have been able to pay old, fat, and bored ladies to pretend to be young, attractive and interested in them. In fact, the only way you can’t use a phone for sex-related chicanery is by sticking prosthetic genitals to it manipulating it in such a way that sexual gratification results (and someone’s probably working on that right now). While we wait for that ridiculous suggestion to become reality, have a look at three examples of sex/phone idiocy.
1. Canadian Politician Tweets A Picture Of His Trouser-Snake
A Canadian Progressive Conservative candidate’s twitter was graced by a physically impossible, if anatomically correct, image of his honeymoon equipment. George Lepp insists that the photo was accidentally taken by the Blackberry in his front pants pocket. Even though the photo shows his legs to be crossed, and the fact the Blackberry was still in the pocket indicates some kind of cloth barrier between it and his porkpiston.
2. Political Police Porn
A South Texas police chief is involved in a case of someone sending porn to a political rival – because he’s the one who did it. Joe Rodriguez texted five full-frontal pictures of a transgendered and unclothed s/he (moving to ‘definitely/he’ between the legs) to county constable Robert Lopez. The two are opponents in the 2012 county constable election. Constable Lopez believes that this was an attempt to smear him, since his official phone’s records can be viewed by anyone on request.
Luckily, a law enforcement officer isn’t the sort of person to see other people’s personal equipment on his official equipment and just shrug his shoulders. Lopez is pressing charges against Rodriguez, who now insists that the porn was intended for his cousin. He doesn’t seem to realize that this is an even worse excuse: someone who can’t even send pornography to the right person really shouldn’t be trusted with county-wide law enforcement. Or a phone.
3. High-Tech Low-Intelligence Flasher
A 21 year flasher was sentenced to a lifetime of utterly crushed self esteem, and a €150 fine, by a German judge. While psychological torment is usually banned under the Geneva convention, it’s not the judge’s fault if the criminal invites it – which this man did by sending a photo of his unimpressive undercarriage to a woman via mobile phone. She forwarded it to the police, who sent it to the judge, who commented “We all had a bit of a laugh when we saw the thing.” Which sounds like the first and most humiliating case of a mobile phone photo being larger than life size.